You’re probably wondering why I haven’t been posting pseudo-ubergeek tidbits lately. Well, it’s because about 10 days ago my Verizon DSL Internet connection at home stopped working. And much of my spare time has been devoted to correcting this issue.

Tech Geek 1

I placed my first call to tech support on a Saturday. The support geek told me to push in and hold a little button on the back of the Verizon modem. Nothing happened. So the geek told me the modem was broken and I had to get a new one, and that one would be sent next day air. She transferred me to a department that wasn’t open on Saturday. Come Monday, no new modem had arrived.

Tech Geek 2

I called and explained the previous geek’s assessment and phone call. No problem. He attempted to transfer me to sales. It was 8 p.m., but according to his records, sales was open until 11. However, sales was not open. I hung up.

Tech Geeks 3 and 4

I called from work on Tuesday, and explained the situation. Again, I was transferred. But instead of reaching sales, I reached Tech Geek 4, who over explained everything (e.g., “next you’ll see a GUI—that’s a graphical user interface…now remember that GUI I was talking about—the graphical user interface…”). He insisted if I was only at home he’d have me up and running in five minutes, and that there was nothing wrong with my modem. All I had to do was turn on the modem, router, and computer in the correct sequence.

Tech Geek 5

When I got home, first I listened to a message on the answering machine from Tech Geek 3 apologizing for incorrectly transferring my call. Then I turned on the modem, waited two minutes, turned on the router, waited 30 seconds; then booted the computer. No dice.

Tech Geek 5 frustrated me the most. I spent 90 minutes on the phone with him. The end result: he wanted me to reinstall my ethernet card and contact my router’s manufacturer.

Verizon Modem 2 Fails

A coworker leant me an extra Verizon modem he had due to a Verizon oversight (I know, hard to believe). That didn’t work.

$50 and a New Router Later

Still no connection.

Tech Geek 6 and His Big Brain

“What am I to do?”, I asked. He looked at Tech Geek 5’s notes. Read the error codes. “Looks like a password error,” he said. Kill me now.

Act of God

He reset my password and gave me a new one. Success! However, the password I was using, which is stored by the router and had not been changed, was not incorrect as evidenced by the fact that my Verizon email account associated with the DSL user account stopped connecting after the password change; but was working before. So there really is no explanation, and now that I bored you with the details, I’m over it.

One More Apology

I do apologize to most of the tech geeks who insisted there was nothing wrong with my modem when I insisted there was something wrong with my modem, and nothing wrong with my equipment. Turns out we were both right.